I recently stumbled across a Facebook post (link to post) from a guy named Eric Graham, and it really got me thinking. With all the information floating around on social media, sex-positive blogs, and wellness platforms, do men REALLY still not get this?!
And if they don’t, the question becomes—why? Are they lazy? Are they simply stuck in old patterns? Or is it that they’ve never been taught to value intimacy as more than just a physical release?
Whatever the reason, the reality is this: the education around sex and intimacy still seems to land on women’s shoulders. If she wants a better, more aware partner, she’s usually the one doing the research, buying the books, listening to podcasts, and yes—trying to teach her partner along the way.
And honestly? Yikes. Along with everything else women are already juggling—careers, family, household responsibilities, mental health, and self-care—it feels like yet another layer of emotional labor. No wonder dating stats are dropping. I feel exhausted just typing this.
Why Aftercare Matters (and Why It’s So Often Overlooked)
For those unfamiliar, aftercare is everything that happens after sex—the cuddling, the conversation, the reassurance, the laughter, even the glass of water or snack. It’s about connection and making your partner feel safe, valued, and seen.
It’s not optional. It’s part of the experience.
Yet, so many men skip it altogether. Whether it’s cultural conditioning, a lack of role models, or just misinformation, too many still view sex as a finish line rather than a journey that continues long after climax.
But here’s the truth:
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Emotional intimacy deepens physical intimacy.
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Partners who feel cared for are more likely to want more sex, more often.
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Aftercare builds trust.
Skipping it isn’t just neglect—it’s a missed opportunity for deeper pleasure and stronger relationships.
The Gendered Burden of Sexual Education
It feels unfair, doesn’t it? That women, once again, are the ones doing the heavy lifting in the intimacy department. Historically, we’ve been socialized to be caretakers, teachers, and nurturers—roles that often extend into the bedroom.
And yes, I’ll acknowledge there has been progress. Conversations around consent, foreplay, communication, and pleasure have gained more visibility over the last few years. But here’s the sticking point: awareness hasn’t yet translated into widespread action.
Men may see the posts, read the memes, or even hear the conversations—but until it truly hits home, nothing changes.
So How Do We Reach the Masses?
That’s the million-dollar question. Maybe the answer lies in:
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Better sex education early on (yes, beyond anatomy and abstinence).
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Content created for men by men—because sometimes hearing it from peers makes it more “real.”
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Mainstreaming the message through podcasts, influencers, and yes—even TikTok.
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Couples’ workshops and conversations that emphasize shared responsibility, not just “women teaching men.”
Because the truth is, women are tired. Tired of carrying the emotional, mental, and educational load of intimacy. Tired of having to beg for their needs to be met. Tired of partners who treat sex as transactional rather than transformational.
The Hopeful Side
Do I believe it’s hopeless? Not at all. In fact, I’ve seen signs of change. Men are becoming more curious, more open, and more willing to learn than ever before. The conversations are starting. The seeds are being planted.
But to create real, lasting change, we need to move beyond awareness into action. Aftercare isn’t extra—it’s essential.
Because great sex isn’t just about the orgasm.
It’s about what happens after.
FAQs About Aftercare and Intimacy
Q1. What is aftercare in sex?
Aftercare is the emotional and physical care shared between partners after sex. It may include cuddling, talking, affirmations, reassurance, or simply being present with one another. It’s about making sure both partners feel safe, valued, and connected.
Q2. Why is aftercare important in relationships?
Aftercare deepens trust, strengthens emotional intimacy, and makes sex feel like a shared, holistic experience rather than just a physical act. Partners who practice aftercare often report higher satisfaction and stronger bonds.
Q3. How do I teach my partner about aftercare without sounding critical?
Start with open, non-judgmental conversations. Use “I” statements like, “I feel closer to you when we cuddle after sex.” Share resources together—articles, podcasts, or workshops. Lead with encouragement, not criticism.
Q4. Is aftercare just for women?
Not at all. Men benefit just as much from aftercare as women do. Everyone needs reassurance, connection, and intimacy after sex. Aftercare is for all partners, regardless of gender.
Q5. Can aftercare improve sexual performance?
Indirectly, yes. When partners feel safe and emotionally connected, they’re more relaxed, more communicative, and more willing to explore. This often translates into better, more fulfilling sexual experiences.
Q6. How can society normalize aftercare?
Through better education, open conversations, and representation in media. Normalizing aftercare means shifting the narrative from sex being a “goal-oriented” act to sex being part of a broader cycle of intimacy.
👉 Your Turn:
Have you experienced the frustration of carrying the intimacy education load in your relationships? What strategies have actually worked in getting your partner to understand the importance of aftercare? Drop your thoughts below—I’d love to hear your stories.
